


Blurred Faces

by SwampyGreenie



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments (Movies)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Inspired by Stressed Out Twenty Øne Piløts, M/M, Malec, Malec Fluff, Malec Smut, Song Lyrics, insecurites, song inspiration
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:05:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6196204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwampyGreenie/pseuds/SwampyGreenie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before they met, Alec let his insecurities drive shotgun. After they first met, Magnus stirred up his insecurities and showed Alec he should question them. After a few months, Alec learns to throw them out the window.</p><p>Note: I do try to follow the storyline of TMI...but please bear with me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Beginning There Was Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the song "Stressed Out" by Twenty Øne Piløts. Nor do I own any characters of TMI.
> 
> !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!:On another note, there are mentions of severe insecurities and depression caused by this. I do not mean to offend anyone or romanticize depression at all. It's something I've personally dealt with; therefore, most of my knowledge will NOT be researched, but from what I've experienced. I know everyone is different, which is why I will alter Alec's experience, but only slightly. 
> 
> His experience may be a !!!TRIGGER!!! to some, so do proceed with CAUTION.
> 
> Last but not least, this is written purely for the pleasure of my readers and it's also a way that I'm coping by venting through my writing. Please, I beg anyone of you, if you have any form of a self destroying mentality please seek help. We are beautiful the way we are. And that beauty derives from our uniqueness to be different. Don't let other's or even yourself beat that down.
> 
> Imperfections are what make us human and perfect. Without them, we can't grow stronger, better and more beautiful.
> 
> Please enjoy.

* * *

_“I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink,_

_But now I'm insecure and I care what people think.”_

–Stressed Out, Twenty Øne Piløts

* * *

 

Alexander Lightwood wasn’t exactly, completely clueless when it came to having a relationship. Sure he had girlfriends before, but that had been the problem: _girlfriends_. He was by no means straight and just the thought of getting intimately close with any of his ex-girlfriends made him sick to his stomach.

In fact, the just the thought of close intimacy with anyone made him uncomfortable. He used to think that something was wrong with him, but he had long since come to terms with the fact that he just wasn’t interested in sex with anyone. Isabelle liked to call him a prude, but Jace was way nicer to his parabatai, using the term “conservative” to describe Alec’s lack of a sex drive.

And it was exactly that word that confused Alec beyond repair because, deep down, he knew that he wasn’t conservative at all, far from it. His mind was actually very active and he’d been completely comfortable with self-exploration for years. He’d done things that he would never voice out loud, even to his own ears because he found them too embarrassing. Partially because a lot of his fantasies had involved real people, sometimes multiple persons at once. But that was a secret and Alec wasn’t going to let anyone see this other face of his that he had carefully masked with a conservative one.

That is, until he met Magnus Bane.

The High Warlock of Brooklyn happened to be the whisk in his basket of eggs, stirring up his carefully laid life like a baby messing up a complicated, partially finished puzzle.

 


	2. At the Home of the High Warlock of Brooklyn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the fact that chapter one was so short, but really it was more of introduction than a chapter.

The base pounds in his bones, pressing against his skin with each beat of the music. The writhing bodies around him ooze sex appeal and Alec shifts uncomfortably as he tries to shove through the crowd behind his siblings. He is out of place in this warlock’s home. He sticks out like a sore thumb and he knows it. Especially since he hasn’t bothered to dress any better than his usual worn skinny jeans and black sweatshirt, while the others around him wear the vivid colors of the high fashion artists of Paris. Even Clary has managed to look somewhat nice in her little black dress and thigh high boots. Although where Alec is concerned, she looks like the kind of slut who writes down numbers in her reddest lipstick.

When Magnus Bane comes strolling out of his room, looking like a god covered in glitter, Alec feels even more out of place. He is a man who demands the attention of everyone and everything in the room. Men and women alike turn heads to stare longingly. He oozes sex and slick and filthy things in the darkness of the night. His golden eyes are like a drug, a poison flecked with green hazardous toxins. And Alec finds his gaze unsettling as the warlock clearly has only eyes for him, the sore thumb in the crowd.

As the rest of his companions and Clary speak to Magnus, Alec finds his thoughts wondering in tangents that kept circling back to the sex god of a warlock. He has to keep his eyes carefully trained on his dirty Converse, trying not to be obvious about how much Magnus draws his attention, unlike anyone before. He even surprises himself by saying something nice to Magnus’s short explanation about his past and parents.

And then Simon is kidnapped and Clary and Jace run to his rescue. Isabelle decides to return home, and Alec winds up staying behind when tan, slender fingers wrap around his upper arm, holding him back.

“Can I speak with you?” Magnus askes, his voice a sexy silk.

Alec can’t find the courage to meet his gaze, instead looking just over his shoulder into the loft. He nods not knowing why he is even agreeing as the taller man leads him into his bedroom and pours Alec a glass of red wine.

He takes the glass gingerly and sips at it. “What do you want to talk to me about?” he asks quietly.

Magnus shrugs nonchalantly and motions for Alec to sit. He too, sips at his wine before placing the glass on the vanity and cocking his head to taking in Alec’s appearance.

“You’re very beautiful, you know.” He says as-a-matter-of-factly and Alec flushes darkly, his heart pounding in his chest. He is starting to realize just how alone he is with this sex god of a warlock.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” Alec askes, trying to steady his voice as he lifts the glass, indicating the wine and the bedroom at one time. His lungs feel tight and he takes deeper breaths to try and calm his building anxiety. Magnus doesn’t seem to notice his heavier breathing, and if he does, he doesn’t mention it as he smirks, lips twisting into a half jeer as his eyes twinkle in the dimmer lighting of the room.

“Maybe I am. Is that a bad thing?” He crosses his arms over his chest and Alec watches closely as the muscles of his arms tense and bulge against the tight fabric in the arms of his shirt.

Alec shakes his head briefly before he looks taken aback. “I mean- yea it’s a bad thing. If you only wanted to talk to me because you want sex, then the answer is no. Go find some other Downworlder who can show you a good time. By the Angel, you could start an orgy with the amount of beings who were drooling over you tonight.

“And besides, gay sex is wrong.” Alec almost chokes for saying so, but what was he supposed to do? Let Magnus take advantage of him? Hell no. “You really shouldn’t mock shadowhunter’s by asking us to have sex, just because you think were cute. It’s against the Angel’s codex.”

Alec suddenly stands up, missing the look of hurt that flashes across Magnus’s eyes, and strides to the door.

“You really shouldn’t mock me. I could kill you for suggesting such an abomination.” And he slams the door behind him, leaving the warlock to look after him in shock.

_Where had his sudden confidence some from?_

When Alec returns to the institute, he runs up the steps two at a time and takes the hidden stair that opens just down the hall from his room. He throws himself into his made bed and screams into a pillow. Why did he do that? He just ruined the best possibility for him to get over his insecurities about sex, and with a sex god at that!

Groaning he turns over and spreads out across the top of his rumpled comforter, staring at the imperfections in the ceiling. There were cracks from age, and soot mark from all the candles and incense he liked to burn over the last several years. His wall adjacent to the window was bleached in certain areas where the sunlight would shine on it throughout the day. On the opposite wall, his Twenty Øne Piløts Blurryface poster hung, right over his bed’s headboard.

He slings an arm over his face, forearm pressing into his closed eyelids until he sees white stars dancing in the dark. His mind is still running in circles, putting him down and beating up his low self-esteem for what he said to Magnus. He knows that he isn’t perfect, but why does he have to be so different from others? Why can’t he just accept the fact that fucking is a natural thing all humans do, and that there is nothing to be insecure about.

He isn’t really fat, he works out and trains constantly. He knows he has a good substantial amount of muscle in his body, and not to mention he always gets compliments on his looks by girls and guys alike. They all seemed to like his dark hair and bright blue eyes. Some even like his pale complexion.

But the main problem isn’t what others think.

When he looks in the mirror, all Alec sees is the thin, lanky and awkward young adult that has failed his parents, and they don’t even know. He can never let them know that they aren’t going to get grandkids from him. The family line stops at him; the gay failure of a son. Alec scrunches his brows together. His inner dialogue won’t let up and his mind is a rampage, tearing through all the previous confidence he had recently tried to build up. He needs a distraction.

He needs to get out, to go somewhere with someone who can get his mind off such depressing thoughts. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? To have a friend to call up when you need to do something crazy to distract the darker thoughts in your head? Alec sits up and slumps forward, rolling his face into his hands. It would be a nice thing, but only if his only friends weren’t his siblings.

He knows that he can go to Isabelle, but she is always somewhat cold to him when it comes to talking about intimate issues. She doesn’t see sex as something you do with someone you care about, but rather with the hottest person you can find at the club. So her ideals aren’t exactly compatible with Alec’s. He also knows that he can talk to Jace. But the issue with that is that Jace is clueless about Alec’s sexuality. Not to mention Jace, like Isabelle, likes to fuck around for fun and pleasure and not solely for love.

Alec continues to stare at the wall of his room. It is almost pathetic how this is the only place where he can be who he really is without fearing that the world is out to get him. He closes his eyes, wondering if he’s hit rock bottom yet. He really should just go to sleep. Alec suddenly feels so tired, the stress of everything weighing down on his mind so hard, that he physically feels the weight behind his eyes.

He slips off his Converse and shuffles underneath the covers. He pulls out his phone and puts on his best headphones, plugging them in and turning on his Pandora to the Twenty Øne Piløts station. Of course the first song that plays is “Car Radio” and he nods off to sleep listening to the lyrics that describe his life.


End file.
